how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
