Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
