No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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