So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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