Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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