I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
it glows. i had to have it.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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