Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
