Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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