Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize