I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
