I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
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It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
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I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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