I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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