The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
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