Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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