Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
