What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
