So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
