i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
