$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
