Can i not drive my cunt home
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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