YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
