carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
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Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
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I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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