I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
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