IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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