All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize