hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
