Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
