How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
