those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
