I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
