If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
