I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
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The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?