yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
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Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.