im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?