How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize