What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
