anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
