I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
