Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You have to summon your inner elephant
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
