dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
