i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
