so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
