Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
