Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
