I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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