Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
