Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
