So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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