My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
someone owes me an orgasm
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
