hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
