Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
