I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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