a queef is a wish your heart makes.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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