Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
A bitchslap is in order.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
