The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
