in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
