Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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