She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
