when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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