the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
