standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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