I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
