Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
