why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
