what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
