True but thats because hes a fetus.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
