people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
