We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
