gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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