Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
