My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
