i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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