Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
