i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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