Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
