i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize