I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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