who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
