i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
