I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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