No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
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so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
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I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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