beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just want to make out with him forever
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I have tasted many bathrooms
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